Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I fill condoms, not promises.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
