I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
