i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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