your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
