Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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