I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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