I am full of burrito and curiosity
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
