Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
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I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize