i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
