I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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