Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i came on her dog
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
