You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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