you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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