And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
