Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
