want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
