Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
