I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
