Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
