Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
