well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
