My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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