I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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