one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
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