Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
