Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
