I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
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i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
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He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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