Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
