Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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