I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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