Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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