Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
