We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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