I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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