OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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