Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My boob is missing a layer of skin
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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