When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
