I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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