my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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