Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
