But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
