The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
