I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
