it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
