he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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