you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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