I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
