Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
time to smoke my breakfast
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
They are going to name an STD after you.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize