I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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