I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize