Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize