Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
