Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
