Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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