If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
