You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
All the doctor said was why
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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