he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
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You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
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Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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