I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
