yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Panties = found
Randomize
