Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
this will be a night to untag.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
