So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize