Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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