i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
