I feel like abortions should bother me more
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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