How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
