he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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