I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
FUCK WHALES
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
