I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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