Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
